dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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