I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize