I seem to have left my pride at pride
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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