1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
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