i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
