After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
