he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
