i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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