i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
