fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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