Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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