that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I checked into jail on foursquare
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize