fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
