You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
