You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
