P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
