She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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