I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
