my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize