I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize