Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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