Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
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