On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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