I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
