he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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