the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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