Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
