yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
