Rock
Scissors
Fuck
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
