Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
