my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
