4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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