there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
