why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
