dude i'm inner monologue high
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
