Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
