im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
