How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
