I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize