its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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