Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
