i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
