I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
