awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize