Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
