apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
