so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
