okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
