Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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