Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
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