Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
