hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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