youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
