So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
