yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
God I need to hump something, right now.
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