i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
