Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
