I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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