My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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