i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
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