she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
