FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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