once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
