No, drunk sperm still make babies.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
