Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
