history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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