Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
