My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
