Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i just had sex bonerless
I wish you could order shots online.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize