i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
