i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
