I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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