I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
