Capitaan dildo arrescate!
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
