we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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