4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize