This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
