You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
