Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
