You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
