Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
