I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
